its wrong
by baby hosey
Summary: My new poi rinch fic. Angst, usual stuff. Rated m for later chapters Need a new beta reader, anyone wanna work with me? Pm me if interested.
1. Chapter 1

Finch was stood in a large grand kitchen in just a shirt and pants; he grabbed his glass of wine, put his laptop under his arm and started making his way unsteadily up the stairs. He quietly eased the bedroom door open, it was lit only by a small lamp, but he could make out that lying on the bed was a semi naked body, a very fit man's body. He put the glass on the bed side cabinet, placed the laptop on the bed and eased himself onto the bed next to the body. He then opened his laptop and leant it on his good leg as an arm came across his middle.

"Is it morning?" came a sleepy voice.

"No, go back to sleep."

"I can't sleep…I need help." the voice sounded hopeful.

Finch sighed, "Go to sleep."

"Then will you stay with me?" said the body as its head popped up revealing John.

"Yes, John I will. I only went to get my laptop."

"And wine?" John added.

"Is that a problem?"

"Is what a problem?"

"Me getting wine, is it a problem?"

"I don't know."

"Right…now go back to sleep."

"Ok, are you going to be working?" John asked while resting his head on Finch's side.

"Not really just need to do some checks on the machine, why?"

"I'd just…I was hoping you'd lie with me, that's all."

"Ok, I won't be long." He looked at his watch, "It's almost eleven anyway so sleep time soon."

John had been very busy the last few nights with numbers and hardly slept; it concerned Finch how little sleep he'd had in three days. Finch had got a little but he could manage without, however some nights the pain was unbearable that it was easier to not try and sleep, or lie down. Sometimes it was actual pain, others it was his mind, he'd think of whom he was before the accident and how amazing he felt; he was able and loved, and then he'd think about who he was now, an old, lonely, cripple with nothing except a machine, which was his life. It hurt him, mentally and physically. Due to this he clung to John, he was all he had left, but it wasn't who he was, well he didn't think it was. He'd never been or thought of himself as being gay but he had always been attracted to men but had to hide it. But right now all he had was a man. He'd always been feminine but took it as how he was; being gay was wrong, well that was how he was brought up to think and believe. He just craved contact and John gave it to him, though he felt it was very wrong. He knew it meant a lot to John but now he'd opened the door and he couldn't shut it again. He'd let him in and now he was stuck. He'd taken to drinking wine, usually sneakily, with wine he didn't care who was holding, touching or kissing him, it was attention and he needed it. Though he knew John wasn't stupid, he knew John had noticed his drinking, it was the only way he could let John near him. Finch was repulsed by how he looked and needed courage, and he found it in the bottom of wine bottles. He reached over, grabbed the glass and took a large sip. Tonight this glass was the last of a bottle; he'd snuck off a while ago and drank it in the kitchen. He felt himself relaxing and he needed John, like he always did under alcohol, he finished doing his tests; the machine was fine. He finished the wine and set the glass down again as he felt John stir, looking down on him he knew what was coming if John woke long enough. He closed the laptop.

"John?" he whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Can you move your arm? I need to get undressed for bed."

"Ok" John smiled opening his eyes.

John moved his arm and Finch slid off the bed. He wobbled a little but steadied himself on the cabinet. He felt brave and he slowly undid his shirt button by button. He undid them all then slipped it off his shoulders and onto a chair, then he slowly undid his belt, then his fly and let the trousers drop to the floor, he kicked them near the chair then sat on the bed.

"Help me." He asked.

His neck was twinging and he couldn't face taking his vest off by himself. He felt John move behind him and he took the edges and pulled it up, between them it was off.

"Thank you." Finch said as he threw it on the chair then turned and got into bed


	2. Chapter 2

He lay on his side and now being face to face with John he could see how tired he was and how much he did need sleep, but he felt the usual stir in his stomach, he wanted attention.

He reached over and stroked john's cheek, it was rough with stubble under his hand and he shuddered a little, john was a man but he had to get what he needed.

"Harold stop" said john moving finch's hand

"No" he replied and moved closer to him,

He needed his lips, it would wash away his inner turmoil, he pulled his hand free from John's and captured his neck, pulling him closer, john let him and they kissed, this was what Finch missed most.

Then John quickly pulled back "No this is wrong" he said moving finch's hand again

"No its not" smiled Finch,

"Yes it is... You know it is"

"Do I?"

"Yes, you never get near me unless you've been drinking"

"But..." started Finch

"Do not lie and say its only one glass either, what is it tonight a whole bottle? Again?"

Finch knew his game was up "Yes and what does it matter?"

John's mouth dropped open "What does it matter?" he repeated

"Yes why does it matter that I've had some wine?"

"Some wine?" John laughed "Some wine in a glass or two not a whole bottle"

"So I had a bottle, what does it matter?" Finch felt his drunken haze falling away

"Why do you have to drink?" asked John

"I just do" was all he could think to say

"And once you drink all you want is pleasure and you knowing Ill give it to you. But not anymore" said John moving to sit up

"I don't even think you want a man that's why you drink, you get what you want then fall asleep happy. Leaving me to deal with myself. If it's that awful with me why don't you go pay a hooker? You have enough money to pay for their silence"

"No" said Finch he hated the idea

"Not no. Yes you need to get your pleasure elsewhere cos I'm not doing it anymore. I asked you to lie with me and instantly your after attention, when your sober you wouldn't lie with me or even let me near you"

"I would"

"Don't lie to me. You don't feel for me beyond a... friend. A distant one at that" john stood "And I'm not lying in this bed with you anymore. You want attention use your hand, like I have to"

"John please stay" said Finch moving to grab John's hand

"Why should I? To please you and get hurt again? No thanks" John said pulling his hand from Finch's grip

"John please" his voice broke as he pleaded and he started to cry

"Tears and pleading won't get you anywhere"

"John... I need you..."

"Stop it, if you needed me you'd be honest with me, but your not" John started to pull on his pants

"Ill tell you everything,I promise but please stay" he felt pathetic and knew he had to tell him or he would loose john.

"Ill stay till I think your lying or bull shitting me then I will leave" said John sternly as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Finch wiped at the tears and took a deep breath, no one knew who he really was or where he came from but in order to not loose john he had to let him in.

"John... This is hard... I... I don't know who or what I am sexually, ok? I... I was raised in care for the age of four and my foster family made me pray that god would punish gays and heal my damaged soul, from four years old John"

The memories flashed back, at four it was just words he was told to say, and he got praise of he said it right. He shuddered at the memory but continued

"I uh... I had many foster siblings, most were boys, manly, macho boys into sports and wanted to join the services. I was always the more feminine one into reading and studying, they always called me a Nancy boy but mom would scold them saying god would help me in the end"

Another memory flashed through his mind, their faces clear and it hurt

"One day this boy Ralph started a fight with me, he was a wrestler in the school team, blooded my nose and I was left covered in bruises. I then realised why I was made to pray so much, they all thought I was gay and all the girls at school did too"

He paused and looked at john, his expression still hard

"Laura was my first, I was just sixteen and I was intent of ridding myself of the side my family hated so much. So on my birthday I got my grades early and decided to leave, to get away from everything. So I slept with Laura my best friend then set off and never looked back. I started at college with a new name and again I had the same problems, but I always denied I was gay, I never knew anything about what it was to be gay till I was older"

He was flash backing again then he felt a hand on his, he looked at John and his expression had changed, it was softer but he continued

"I was always around women, that's where I was comfortable but they always wanted more from me and I couldn't do it, as much as I tried I must add. So again got grades new name and I set off again, started at MIT that's when I met Nathan. Over time he got married and decided I needed a woman in my life, that's how grace came along. Friends at first but with pressure and expectance from Nathan and everyone around me I had no choice but to go further. Yes I was happy with grace but work was my life, being around Nathan was my life and I did what was necessary to fit in"

Memories of times with grace flooded his mind and he smiled

"Four years, most people would have been married in that time but I never wanted to settle down completely, I always wanted a new me. The accident helped that, I couldn't take pity from grace nor could I ruin her life so I got better and hid away, finding another new me, the one you see now. My family life is part of me and it still scares me, so underneath it all I may be attracted to men but its buried so deep" he paused he felt drained and wanted to cry again

"Can I ask something?" asked John squeezing his hands

"Yes"

"What do you feel when you see me?"

"When? Now?"

"No, you've been drinking. I mean when you see me on a normal day when I walk into the library?"

"I don't know" he didn't, he suddenly felt very insecure

"Harold, answer me"

"I don't know how to" he meant it and a tear escaped which John brushed away

"Ok, calm down. When I walk in do you, I don't know... How would you like to greet me? I mean what do you want to do but won't do"

"Umm... Hug you"

"Ok, how do you feel when I'm stood close to you?"

"Next to me?"

"That's a start yes"

"Hold your hand, and when you lean close to look at the monitor I want to... To..." he faltered again, he couldn't say it

"Kiss me" said John and Finch looked up stunned

"Don't pull that face Harold I mean when I do that do you want to kiss me?"

Finch looked down at his hands "yes"

"So why don't you?"

"Because it's wrong"

"Ok... Right" said John, he paused "ok Harold so if you prayed from the age of four till you were sixteen for gays to die and foe your soul why aren't you dead?"

Finch looked up confused "what do you mean?"

"Harold... Sorry but I think you are gay or bi but in some way gay and if you prayed for twelve years for gays to die why aren't you dead?"

"I don't know"

"Exactly you were told it was wrong for so long that you believe it, you were brainwashed as a child and that's what effects you, your body knows what it wants and if you... Reprogrammed your mind you could be happy"

"Happy being gay? With you?" it sounded an obscene idea, but made a little sense

"No just to except who you are. You can't help your sexuality it's born in you" john half smiled but it faded quickly "am I just talking for nothing?"

"No I hear you, I'm just unsure" he was very confused but sure of one thing

"About what?"

"How I overcome twelve years of brainwashing to give you what you need from me?"

Johns face lit up "I'm not saying this for myself; I'm saying this to help you. It'll take time but it can be done... If you want it to"

Finch touched john's cheek "I do"

"It won't be easy I'm telling you now. But no more drinking, promise?"

Finch didn't like it already

"Don't frown at me, if you want to get over it you need to do it properly and sober. Promise me?"

"Ok, I promise" but he didn't want to.

"Ok well start tomorrow, it's gone midnight and I'm tired. Can I snuggle with you?"

He liked the sound of this "yes please".

John took of his pants and got back into bed and wrapped his arms around Finch.


	3. Chapter 3

When morning come Finch woke first, still in John's arms, he felt safe but was scared, scared how John planned to help him over his... Problem. His head felt funny from the drink, he needed tea, but dared not move.

He stayed still thinking about what John may do to help him find his 'gay' side, Finch chuckled inside, he didn't think he was gay buy why else would he want to kiss John and find such comfort in his presence. He decided to not think about it and see just see what happened.

John started to stir, and Finch grew scared

"umm morning" smiled John and he slowly rolled onto his front then leant down and kissed Finch's cheek,

He froze

"How's the head?" asked John

"Ok, I need tea" he stated scared of what John would do next

"Shall I make you tea?" offered John

"No ill make it, a coffee for you?" he quickly stood, he needed to escape

"Please" said John and rolled onto his back "making me coffee doesn't change what you said last night" he said as Finch walked out the room.

He dreaded that fact but he needed to sort his head and emotions out.

Soon in the kitchen he looked at the empty bottle of wine, it upset him how he'd got himself in such a mess with John through alcohol... He turned on the machine, but kept looking at the bottle, he hated it, it made his other side come out, he hated it for what it made him but loved how easy it made it.

"Ahhhh" he shouted, grabbed the bottle and threw it at the wall,

It made a satisfying crash noise as it smashed against the wall. He then carried on making drinks

The door flew open "Harold? You ok? What's going on?" came John's voice then he was by his side "you ok? Show me?" he said clearly concerned

Finch didn't turn but pointed to the glass on the floor

"Uh so your ok?"

"Yes John I'm fine"

"Did you throw it?"

Finch could of laughed wasn't the answer obvious "yes I did"

"Why?"

Again obvious "I don't like what it does to me anymore and so I threw it to release my anger"

"What anger?"

Finch felt like he was on therapy "over what its made me do and the mess were in"

"What mess? You can stop all this anytime, but you said you wanted to change"

Finch just shrugged and finished John's coffee "can you take these to bed, I'll clear the glass then be up" he said turning to John, he was topless in just his boxers, it lit a spark in Finch's stomach, he'd never felt it sober

"Ok" said John taking the mugs "don't be long" and he left.

Finch set to clearing the glass and put it in the bin, seeing john topless had lit the fire and he needed to act on it when it struck. He made his way upstairs thinking about john topless and how much he liked it, he opened the door, and john was sat in bed

"Finally" John said

Finch wanted him, he needed him and he slowly walked across to the bed

"You ok?" asked John but he didn't reply

He slowly knelt on the bed and moved over in front of John, he reached out and stroked his chest, it felt good then slid it up to his stubbly chin and to his neck, John just looked at him, then he started to move in, he had to kiss him

"Stop Harold" said John

It surprised Finch who did stop "what? Why?"

"I said no attention when you've been drinking"

"But I haven't since last night" he pulled back feeling stupid and unwanted

"Prove it, how do I know you didn't drink that bottle while you were gone and smashed it so I wouldn't think you did drink it"

"John... I-I... I'm shocked and offended" said Finch as he moved away from John and off the bed

"Why? What do you expect me to think? I only get attention when your drunk and after pleasure"

Finch stood by his dresser "if you'd kissed me you would know I hadn't had wine" he was bitter now and didn't want John anymore

"Kiss me then, prove your innocent" said John

"The moments gone"

"Of course it has"

Finch was upset and hated the mess between them, but he couldn't stand being accused, he strolled back over to John, cupped his cheek and kissed him, then pushed his tongue through tasting the coffee. Then he pulled back, and looked down at John for his verdict

"No wine"

"Correct, no wine"

"I'm sorry Harold" said John looking from his gaze down to his hands

"Its fine. You just need to trust me a little" and he walked around the bed to his side and slipped in, grabbing his tea

"I'm sorry. I'm just not used to you being like that without wine" said John sounding sincere

"I know. I am trying but the moments gone"

"So I see. But we can work on it, right?"

"I don't have a choice" said Finch and drank his tea.


	4. Chapter 4

Finch felt like a animal trapped in a corner,but this was his home, his bed, how could he be letting John so willingly do this to him? Maybe he liked Johns dominance over him, he thought he did, he then realised how to work this.

He turned to John "I know what to do"

John looked up from his coffee "sorry what?"

"I said I know what to do"

"about?"

"about my problem. I love your dominance and masculinity. I need you to dominate me"

"you make it sound so simple and easy"

"what do you mean?" Finch was confused,

it all bled from Johns pores and soul it would be easy for him to do it

"I'm not naturally dominant with men"

"oh"

"yes so this may not work" John said and looked back down at his coffee.

They sat quiet for a few minutes, then Finch couldn't sit there any more, he wanted to touch John and it felt right he put his cup down on the bed side and moved across towards John and took his cup placing it next to his. The he turned back, he was ready and he stroked John's cheek, John looked at him and finch carried on moving his hand slowly down to John's neck then started to pull him into him. Their lips were so close and Finch could feel John's breath on his lips, it tingled. Then he closed the distance and gently placed his lips on John's, he pulled back, smiled and went on again. John responded and kissed him back, the fire lit in his gut and Finch needed John, but needed him in a different way. He run his hand down to John's chest and gently slid his hand down then back up, but it felt wrong he pulled back

"John this is wrong"

He saw John's face drop, and he went to stand up

"stop, I don't mean all this but we've started at the wrong end" explained Finch

"wrong end?" asked John

"yes, we're already in bed undressed. We need to start at the beginning" it was so obvious and such a stupid thing.

"so you want to get up, dress then start again?"

"yes" he paused suddenly insecure

"if you will"

"I'll do whatever you feel will make it easier"

"it will please John"

John got up out of the bed and Finch followed suit.

Watching John dress Finch felt a fire starting to glow on him, he wanted to feel John, he wanted to pleasure John... then it hit him he was going about it the wrong way, John had said he wasn't dominant with men so why was he around Finch? Clearly he'd realised Finch was the dominant, and that was what he was going to do.

Finch quickly turned on his heels and flew towards John, he shoved him backwards, sending John crashing against the wall

"what the..." started John

But Finch silenced him pulling in roughly into a kiss. He pulled back then went straight on again roughly, he was in control and he was on fire. John's hands found Finch's sides and pulled him closer to him, pinning him against the wall further. Finch was gently biting John's bottom lip then slipped his tongue into John's mouth, playing with his tongue. Then he kissed down John's cheek, chin to his neck causing moans from John, this fuelled Finch further, he wanted more moans and more skin. He started undoing John's shirt but got frustrated it was taking too long so he grabbed hold and ripped it open, the buttons flew off and the shirt was open,

"umm Harold" moaned John and Finch started to kiss, suck and lick John's chest.

He pulled back and run his hands on John's muscular chest, He never realised how built John was,

"your body amazing" he whispered looking up at John

Who then grabbed the front of Finch's shirt and started to undo the button but Finch was desperate for the contact grabbed the front and tore it apart, again buttons flew. And John started to run his hands up and down his chest, the fire in Finch growing bigger, he moved back and pulled the shirt off and helped John out of his, he stopped for a moment wondering what next,

"on the bed" said Finch,

John nodded then walked to the bed and laid on his side, Finch walked over and looked down on John

"roll over a bit please" he asked John,

Now Finch had stopped his mood was wavering, but he laid down with John,on his side facing him

"your amazing Mr Finch" said John as he moved towards him and kissed his neck,

he liked the attention and it set him alight again, he wanted John and he wanted him now, even better John clearly wanted him too, his solid cock pressed against the material of his trousers, and Finch wanted to release him. He run his hand down John's chest and undid his belt, then his button and fly

"can you get them off?" asked Finch

John moved onto his back and pulled them off then threw them across the room, Finch got a good look at John's white boxers and the solid cock, the fire stirred again. He wanted to do to John what John had done so many times to him, he wanted to release his cock and wrap his mouth around it. Finch pulled John roughly into his lips again and let his other hand wander down John's back till he reached John's butt, he gave a gentle squeeze causing a moan from John, Finch repeated a little harder.

"umm Harold, that's nice" moaned John

Finch grew brave and eased his hand inside the back of John's boxers, skin to skin contact, Finch himself moaned. He moved his kissing to John's neck as he rolled his hand around to the front, he hit John's cock and froze

"Harold" whispered John

Finch was still and preparing himself, he had to do this

"umm John, your so hard for... Me" he said

He slowly slid the front of John's boxers down over his cock, he looked down and got his first glimpse of the solid organ. He wrapped his hand around it and slowly started to stroke up and down, John moaned in Finch's ear, he would of looked at John but he wanted to see what he was doing.

"Harold, can I see too?" said John in a husky voice

Finch looked up and moved back a little

"umm that's so hot" he said

Finch grabbed John at the neck and pulled him into his lips again, he was growing more confident and wanted John's cock in his mouth, he'd felt it from John now it was his turn to give the pleasure

He pulled back, and sat up, John hand instantly was on his back

"I'm fine, I just want these off" said finch grabbing John's boxers

"can get rid of these too?" asked John pulling at finch pants waist band

"OK" said Finch

He stood and undid them then let them drop to his feet, he stepped out then moved around to the end of the bed and pulled John's boxers off, dropping them on the floor he suddenly felt scared. He had no idea how it would taste, or feel or even if he'd be any good at it

"Harold come here" said John and Finch went to him "lie down" Finch did "now I can see your getting worried" John wrapped his arms around him "shall I give you some advice?" he offered and Finch felt a bit stupid "you can go alone but I know how your feeling

"w-whats the advice?" Finch asked

"move on top of me and take your time, kiss down slowly and progress as it feels right"

Finch nodded, John had done this many times with him,

"kiss me" demanded Finch, he needed his dominance back John pulled him in and they kissed, but it was different there was more feeling and more need.

Finch grew brave and slowly, not breaking the kiss ,moved between Johns legs, he moved and kissed John's neck, shoulder and made slow progress down his chest. The muscles reacted with each kiss and slight nibble,one of John's hands was in his hair, massaging his scalp the other Finch couldn't find or feel, he moved up and found it gripping the bed sheets with white knuckles

"do I cause that in you?" asked Finch but as soon as he said it he felt stupid

"yes. You and only you cause me such pleasure it would seem"

"say my name" asked Finch, he wanted to hear it as he carried on further down

"Harold" he said softly

Finch carried on, Johns cock so close but he wasn't ready to taste him just yet. He kissed down and around to John's hips,

"umm" moaned John

Finch knew to remember that doing that caused a moan, he did it again

"Harold" moaned John

Finch liked this and was growing confident again, he run his left hand along John's thigh, also causing moans, with the other he grabbed John's solid cock, it was much harder now and Finch was as ready as he would ever be. He licked the head gently and waited for a reaction, he got one, John moaned again, so he repeated it again and slowly started to lick down the solid shaft

"fuck, Harold.. Ummm" moaned John

Finch liked this and he licked back up, he was ready and he slowly took the whole head in his mouth and sucked it. The smells of John attacked his nose and mouth making his head spin, he was suddenly a animal, his instincts hit him and he took the whole shaft into his mouth, he was amazed he didn't gag.

"uh my god... Harold yes... Yes... Uhh" moaned John

Finch started slowly bobbing up and down, swirling his tongue around as he went, more cries came from John growing louder, Finch pulled off and adjusted his weight also so he could watch John,he turned back and a pool pc pre cum awaited him, he froze a second

"umm John.." he moaned "just for me" he said and licked it off, he wasn't sure of the taste but it was Johns and he wanted more of it "warn me before you orgasm" he asked, he wanted to be ready for it so he was ready to swallow it.

Finch was comfortable and he took the whole shaft again

"umm... Yeah..." moaned John again

Now Finch had moved he could watch it all happen across John's face. He carried on but sped up the pace, Johns moans turning almost to a squeal

"Harold... Fuck Harold" cried John

Finch stopped and looked up

"I'm so close" that was it Finch was ready "you cam finish me by hand"

But Finch didn't move off John he sucked harder and quickened the pace

"uhh.. Harold... Umm.. Yeah... Suck it hard... Umm..yes like that"

Finch was on fire and he was ready for his first,

"Harold... Umm.. Uhh.. Shit... Uhh god.. Uhhh" cried out John

Harold felt his seed spilling into his mouth, he sucked as it came and swallowed it down. He saw John slump back on the pillow and Finch pulled off, but he wasn't done, he licked off the rest of the cum leaking from John cock and cleaned him up. He had grown to like the taste and wanted more but knew John was spent, for now.

"come here" moaned John and Finch crawled up his body "kiss me" John asked, Finch found this funny as John would taste himself, he'd run this idea by John later, but he kissed him, "Harold?" came Johns stern voice

"what?"

"you didn't orgasm"

"no I didn't" he was surprised and grew a little worried about it, was it normal? Was he just weird?

"its quite normal, you focus on your partners pleasure and forget your own" smiled John

Finch sighed, glad it was normal

"can I finish you?" asked John looking unsure

"please" replied Finch unsure how John planned to do it

"roll over then" said John "gently" he smiled

Finch did as asked and laid on his back, John moved and slowly pulled his boxers down, Finch still felt the effects of pleasuring John and didn't care how he was relieved.

John crawled on top of Finch and he knew what John was going to do, oral. John kissed Finch on the lips, then his chin, neck, chest, running his hand down over his nipples which caused him to moan.

"umm John"

John carried on his slow decent, then Finch realised John was doing as he had done because he was nervous, was John still unsure? He then felt John's tongue on his solid cock

"uhh John.. Umm" he moaned

Then he was swallowed up in his wet hot mouth, he knew he wouldn't last long, he just hoped John wouldn't be disappointed. John was sucking hard and Finch was in ecstasy, he given pleasure and now receiving meant so much more

"umm... Yeah John... Like that... Yes.. Umm"

Finch moaned and John sucked harder, it was drawing Finch to his end

"John.. I'm close... Umm.."

That was it John went full go on his cock

"yes... Yes... Oh... Uh... John... Uhhhh"

He practically screamed as he came into John's warm, ready mouth.

Finch slumped back in a pure state of ecstasy, he felt John cleaning him up but couldn't move, he just sighed as John kissed up his chest to his neck then stopped

"shall I get off so you can roll over?" asked John

Finch considered it "do you mind?"

"no, I want you to be comfortable"

Finch smiled, as John rolled off and onto the bed on his side, Finch looked at John and wanted contact with him

"can we..." he stopped as he felt so stupid to ask for what he wanted

"can we what Harold?" asked John now stroking his cheek

"snuggle for bit" he looked away awaiting the rejection.

John was a man why would he want to snuggle up? Shower and leave was what John probably wanted

"I'd love to snuggle with you" came from John

stunned Finch smiled a little

"really?"

"yes really. But let's move the covers over us first"

Finch nodded.

They stood and John pulled the covers back then they both got in. John put one arm by Finch's head the other across his middle moved in closer, Finch moved in and put his arms between then resting on their chests then he snuggled in. He could hear John's heart beating and he felt safe, he felt good and right, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Finch woke to John watching him, still snuggled

"umm hello handsome" whispered Finch

"hello" John's face changed

"what wrong?" asked Finch stroking John's cheek

"do you regret it?" asked John

He may as well of punched him, he didn't regret it, but did John?

"no I don't, do you?" he was worried now

"no" his face didn't change

"then kiss me" said Finch teasingly

"no"

This confused Finch "you don't regret it but.. Are you saying you won't do it again? That it was just a one time thing?"

"no, unless that's what you want?"

"no. John I'm confused. Please explain what's going on"

"uhh Harold. I'm just worried about you and want to be sure your OK"

Finch studied John's face "no, that's a lie, what is it? And don't lie again" he meant it as well

John took a deep breath "I'm just wondering what it all meant"

Finch hadn't anticipated this question "do you want it to mean something?"

"I don't know"

Finch opened his mouth to speak when his cell went off, he got up, found his glasses and his cell, message "its a number John"

"OK" is all John said and got up.

They dressed in silence, Finch had his back turned to John

"we have a problem" suddenly said John

Finch turned, John was stood in his shirt with no buttons and a rip down it,

"uh yes we do. One second" finch opened his closet "try this for size, I used to be bigger and it fitted then" and he threw a jumper at John.

John pulled off the shirt and pulled on the jumper "perfect" he said

"good. Ill order you another shirt to replace that one" said finch as he pulled out a shirt for himself and turned away to finish dressing.

They travelled in silence to the library,

"ill get my stuff ready" announced John and walked to the back room.

Finch set to sorting as much details as he could on the number, then John re appeared, got his details and left. Finch sat on his own wondered what was happening between him and John, what the next step was and could he really take it further with John. He had so much he needed to ask and find out, and felt so alone

"yes Mr Finch" came John's voice as Finch called him

"have you found him?" he asked

"yes" answered John sounding unlike himself

"good, I'm glad"

"what's wrong?"

Finch knew it was pointless "nothing"

"nothings wrong so you called me? Come on, talk to me"

"I can't its work time, after this number we can"

Finch was already determined that work and their... Whatever it was would be two separate things

"OK, that's fine. Did you just miss me?"

John was clearly teasing but two could play that game "yes I did. Now be safe, call if you need anything, bye" and Finch hung up, chuckling to himself.

The day passed and Finch sat calmly thinking about what had happened between him and John, also where it all went next.

"Finch?" came John's voice

"yes you OK?"

"not really got jumped, need a bit of patching"

"oh no. Ill get the kit out, will you be long?" fear struck Finch John would always say he was OK even if he wasn't but for him to say no scared him

"no just on my way. Oh yes the number is done, all in custody luckily Frisco was around the corner"

"good. See you soon"

Finch went to the back room and set it up, he was worried about John, then it hit him. He always worried about John but now it felt different, he was startled from his thinking by John's voice, Finch turned and saw him stood in the doorway, that's when he knew, knew he felt more for John than he thought he ever would anyone. He realised he loved him, and needed him, he shook his head and got back to the task in hand

"come sit down, let me see" he said smiling

John sat on the table and removed his jacket, and Finch started to clean him up, wondering how John felt about him

"you OK Finch?" suddenly asked John

"yes I'm fine"

"just thinking again I guess?"

"yes about you" Finch was going to be honest with John from now on

"what about me?"

"about last night, and what it means"

"and what does it mean to you?"

John never usually asked such direct questions "I... I.. Umm" its stumped Finch

"its fine it was just a question" said John cupping Finch's cheek

"John.. It meant a lot to me and... I... I think I love you" it just all fell out and it stunned Finch and by the look on John's face it stunned him too

"really?"

"yes, is that a problem?" Finch said moving back from John suddenly scared and insecure

"no, its fine I'm just shocked, I didn't think you felt so strongly for me"

"well it appears I do" he stayed back unsure what to do next

"Harold?"

"yes"

"come kiss me" smiled John then winked

Finch didn't need to be asked that twice, he was instantly there pulling John into him. John's arms came tightly around his lower back, and with him sat on the chair he was just a nice height for them to kiss without straining his neck.

John pulled back and smiled "am I all done? Can we go home?"

Finch suddenly felt John was pulling away from him, he felt rejected, he'd confessed love to him but with no reply back, was John now trying to get away?

Finch pulled from John's grip and walked across the room "the number is done, you do as you please" he said back turned trying to hide his upset

"Harold?"came John's voice but he ignored it busying himself with clearing up,

But when arms came around him and a whispered voice asked "what's wrong?"

"nothing" said Finch but his voice failed

John kissed his neck "so you coming home with me? Or can I fulfil my fantasy and pleasure you here sat at your desk?"

Finch was caught off guard by his comment, but couldn't speak

"or am I leaving alone?" John kissed his neck again "but I'd much rather leave with you, my love"

The words stunned Finch "my love?" he repeated not meaning it to be out loud, he felt stupid then

"yes Harold, I love you. I... Uhh I'm stupid.. I forget you've been so locked away for so long. I love you, that's why I always gave in when you wanted pleasure. I would of done anything to have you close to me"

Finch was stunned but turned into John and cupped his cheek "you love me? Little old, crippled me?"

John smiled "your non of those things to me" he paused and gave a cheeky grin "well maybe a bit little but only in height compared to me. The rest of you is... Umm..." he paused again

Finch could see he was looking for the words but could feel his arousal growing

"rather pleasing and in no way small"

"thank you" said Finch as he pulled John to his lips. He wasn't used to compliments but from John it felt good, and right.


End file.
